Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize