I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
