Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
