it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
