put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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