i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
