Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
