i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
