it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
