i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
