I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
