we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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