She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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