her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
