there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
