i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
