I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
