margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
