Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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