I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
