I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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