My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
