It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
