I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
