the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
