You're my little dorito
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
