Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize