She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Let's get the cat blown out
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
True college students do jello shots in the library
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