guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
wow bdsm is so cute
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
