I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
