I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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