so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Randomize
