you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
