I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
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