we're chasing vodka with high fives
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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