Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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