How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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