I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This beer is not sobering me up at all
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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