i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
