So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
