I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
