a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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