I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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