im drinking this country out of the recession.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
