he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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