What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
