So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
