The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize