After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
