so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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