i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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