And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
