Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
