sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
