Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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