Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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