did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
