I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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