He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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