Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
