When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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