Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
