Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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