She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
