I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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