i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Two words: blizzard sex
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
