we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
