I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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