The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
