1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
