Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
