No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
