The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
