he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
