good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize