So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
