ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
