Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
