This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
