that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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