why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
