I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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