we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize