I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
