Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
