On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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