he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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