I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
