i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
