Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
