I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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