A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
