dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
