shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
