Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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