thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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