"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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