did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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