Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
