I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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