Will you blow on my dice?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize